FREE

i don't know what to do.
my dad does not support me in my dreams ever!
if they're not what he wants for me then he doesn't believe in me at all.
it sucks.
my mom always pushed me to chase my dreams and goals and supported me in hatever.
she didn't try to choose my dreams or friends or anything...
as long as i was happy thats all she wanted.

i just want to ride horses. thats all i've ever wanted to do. heck if i could everyday and every night i would. i just want to barrel race and get that rush.
but he makes every time so miserable because all he does is complain of how they are a pain in th neck or if i don't do good he's just like "well why did we even come" or the classic-"these animals are a pain in the neck, i hate them"
ughhhh he makes me so mad.
does he not realize this is what i want and this is what makes me happy.

HORSES
from the Heart of a Cowgirl
I believe there is a force that lives on this world
Something primitive and wild when you need an extra push to survive
nothing you can tame, or control
something so beautiful, but dangerous all at once,
Like wild flowers that bloom after a wild fire turns the forest black
Most people are afraid of it and keep it deep inside themselves
But there will always be the few who aren’t scared to love what is free and untaimed inside of them.
to let the beauty and danger all out at once,
yet, everyone has a different foce within them...what is mine?
Horses.
I see in horses and expression of my own restless spirit,
Charged with an appetite for adventure they will take to the land with out hesitation
When I see them running wild and free
I often think of the first horses and how they were the true pioneers of America.
most people say the west wan won from the cowboy or the saddle of a horse,
but i say...it was won from the heart of horse.
There was once a time when
Americans went west to discover their destiny,
yet, Today it seems like they still are not settled or haven't found their "destiny" that their ancestors went looking for.
But I think they’re still looking for the same thing-a place where they can be optimistic and be who they want and not care what others think about them
a place where they can wrecklessly love...like they're so desperately longing to,
Where they can feel that this life makes sense
A place that they can feel, what I feel when I ride Clyde
Cause when we’re riding all I feel…is free
he has this sense of surrender in him but not just him...all horses.
they have spirit and a healing nature if people could just sit back a truely look and take it all in they can see what i see in horses.
not just beauty, but a whirl wind of things:
surrenity, spirit, beauty, danger, destiny, freedom..
i mean didn't our ancestors come to America to find and get freedom?
every American is allowed their freedom,
i just find mine in the presence of a horse.
yet, some people people are still trying to find that freedom or that place where everything just makes sense to them...
a place where they can feel what i feel when i'm riding my horses and take to the land without hesitation...a place where they can just simply feel...FREE
by: Jenna Howell
April 15. 2008

Enemy

if you ever tried to make me miserable,
well congrats you did.
your right i put on that fake "happy-go-lucky" smile,
old friends are against me, but it shows that they never really were my "friend".
you think you know me but you don't, so stop trying to guess.
i wish for once in your life speak how you feel and act on hose feelings instead of hiding them.
i wish you truely knew what i thought!

today was an okay day Ü
i have a geometry test tomorrow...hope it goes well...pray please!
saw Michael tonight, made my week. actually made a Monday wonderful!

for once in my life no where i belong. i actually feel good aout myself and don't second guess things or worry. i'm at peace...and i think..he has alot to do with that!

One of my "sisters" is going throught a hard time. her and her boyfriend broke up and she's taking it bad. they were suppose to get married...they might work things out but who knows..i thought they were soul mates...but, is there even such thing as that? are fairy tales true?
i guess its one of those things you'll learn in life!

bachelors on...what do ya'll think?-i no theres been better but if your like me you can't help but watch!

Gods been so good lately..i mean isn't he just awesome ...aren't you just in awe of his presence?!!
BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

phrase of the day:
"will you accept this rose"

xoxo.
Jenn
lifes good, GODS GREAT!

hopeless

thoughts:::
wow. where to start.
well these past couple of days have been wierd? i guess.
ever have that feeling wherer you just want to break down and cry?
you ever just have questions for people?
like...
do you consider other peoples feelings?
do you even care what God wants?

school:
why do you think you define me?
YOU DON'T
i no who defines me!!!..you don't own me.
you can't tell me i'm less then what i should be...
i do not have to listen to you..i'm blocking you out.

my KING defines me.
my KING tells me what to do
my KING tells me who i am
i listen to...
MY KING!!!!!

i no this is a comfusing blog but..it's just things that are being let out.

i mean we ARE the redeemed right?
we are his children?

does he mean to hurt us?
does he mean to but obstacles in our lives?

we still go to him through the good AND the bad right?...

what is my spiritual gift?...leadership? faith? hope? witnessing? teaching?...

he doesn't define me by what i've done but by who i am and where i put him in my life and faith and heart.
he always catches me...but when do i get to catch him?

i want to pray with a specific person....yet....scarred to ask...

I AM YOURS LORD...so please...START USING ME!!!!!
help...

"i am..who i am. and that IS enough"!

xoxo
Jenn