wow its been a really long time.
alot has happened.
over the past couple of years i've never blamed God or got mad at him when things went bad or wrong...so why does it seem like he keeps punishing me?
its almost like it's not fair, which i know life isn't fair.
its like i can't be happy or i never am and i've taught myself to put on a fake smile and i've gotten really really good at fooling everyone around me.
i hate it when people back-stab you..isn't that just annoying-i mean common really?
i'm not the one to be fored to do something i don't, but i hate it when (you know it's wrong and you can't help it) but you try to please the world...or make them happy,
ok you know me better than that, its not illegal or would get me into trouble just little minor things that you don't have to do.
ok enough babling heres the real scoop...
ever want to just cry?
ever want to just sit down and cry but you feel dumb?
ever just have those days that a rain clowd is over your head?
ever have have it when the ONLY person you want to talk or cry to doesn't ask?
I DO!
and it seems like my only therapy is my horses but
they are know where near me so thats no help at all!!
oh and whats really really annoying is when people think they are hlping but really they are not and they are just being annoying by telling you things or whatever but you know yourself good enough to know what helps you and calms you?
looooonnnnngggg dayyy as you can see. sorry its all run together..i'll sort things out on here later!
-Jenn Marie
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2 comments:
well, jenna...lol...it's about time you updated...I'm glad you did.
Ok...here goes...I am so sorry that things have worked out for you the way they have. If anyone deserved better things in their life it's you. You deserve a lot better cards than you have been dealt, but, let's face it...this is your hand. God wants to use the circumstances in your life for a purpose. Can you see that? This is elementary for you. You know this truth. I know it can feel like God may be distant because of "what's going on in my life" gets in your way of actually seeing Him at work. I know that it seems like you are the only one out there dealing with issues that you deal with daily. But, trust me...you are not alone. Please don't try to walk your road alone. Allow us, your sisters, to help carry your burdens.
If you will allow God to take control...I mean REALLY take control you will begin to see Him using your circumstances to shape you. It's not gonna be easy..you already are probably going, "duh" lol...but, I am here for you. I WANT to help you. I desire to listen. I need to listen. I am commanded to listen.
I have told you a thousand times...I know you have Alison and Laurie and whoever else that you are close to. But I want you to think of me when you need someone outside of the box to pour your heart out to. Talk to me...I want to know your heart.
I know what you mean when you just feel like crying! You know what I say to that CRY it all out! Hang in there I can't imagine how tough it is for you but you have an incredible testimony that will and has blessed many!
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