the redeemed

Groovyy

2009-01-13T17:55:00.000-08:00

today was weird.
one of my classes was weird.
i couldn't consentrate at all..
my mind kept wondering,
looking around the room.
i had to stop myself.

after school just went to get
my maid of honor dress
for 2 weddings..(1 dress=both weddings)
i dislike it strongly.
its not flattering at all...sorry but its kinda ugly.
but its ok

i went tonight to a "group groove" class.
it was sooooo much funn!!!!
(if ya haven't been-tues&thurs at exygen!)
i saw someone that i use to be close to..
in a way it kinda hurt but at the same time,
it felt good to be in the same room...
to pretend nothing happened and that same bond is still there.
yayaa in my dreams right?

well sorry today isn't much and kinda Blah.
trying to write as much as i can.
until next time..

live.laugh.love

Jenna Marie

open

2009-01-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

You ever have one of those days,
Where you feel as if you don’t belong?
I do…but..
Today WAS NOT one of those days.
We had Powder Puff today.
It was probably the most fun that I have had
In a long long time.

Friendships were rekindled,
Friendships that I have missed and longed for.
But it scares me…because powder puff put it back together
And now
It is over.
Sucksss.
And I’m scared what will happen if the friendship gets rebuilt
I don’t know if I can be open.
Its like I have a flood gate up and I’m scared,
The “levy will break”.

They have been checking up on me.
No not stalking,
But just checking caring
Why?
I’m so confused now.
But they do have a big secret that I want to know.
No-not gossip I promise.
It is about them.
mg=JB, bv, al, kl
we will see.
But you that is reading this,
You will have your happy ending
And your “cinderella” even if it happens a diff. way than you planned.
Believe..trust..
So,
Kiss slowly,
Love deeply,
Take the chance, (GO FOR IT)
No regrets,
Forgive quickly,
Remember what you’ve learned,
Want a rainbow?-search through the rainfall,
True love=pain
Women were made from a mans rib-
Not from his head to be superior,
Not from his feet to be walked on,
But from his side to be equal,
Under the arm to be protected,
And the heart to be loved…
GO FOR IT AND LET NOTHING STOP YOU!!
You’ll find a way, I promise!

I know this post made absolutely no sense at all.
But its just a lot of thoughts that are in my head and had to get out.

Today I felt…FREE,
I felt like Cinderella.

Junior class-
I love ya’ll. Ya’ll are amazing and I hope we stay his connected like we have been the past couple of weeks!
Thanks for everything! It was an honor to play on ya’lls team!

Jenna Marie

crumbled leaves

2008-12-30T08:31:00.001-08:00

alot of the time i say "lifes good, gods great"
and feel it when i say it... but today..
its almost like i can't say it and mean it.
i hate it because my family doesn't get along,
we can't agree with anything,
seriously my father is the hardest person to get along with..
for all of us.
sometimes i wonder if it is even worth it anymore.
just life in general.

yes we all go through it,
yes we all eal with hard things,
yes life is not easy,
but shouldn't your family be the best
and safest place in the world with people you love...
you know what i say about that?
HAHAHAAAAAAA
my family is like a dead treee..
there is only crumbl;ed leaves underneathe

it almost seems like the only time i ever mess with this is when
i need to complain or gripe or what not
so readers..
sorry about that.
promise i'm not some freak that lives in the shadows.

i don't get along with them.
my dad does nothing but nag, an hound on me and i hate that.
i am my own person and i want to be
who I AM and not what
he wants me to be!
thats stupid.

i'm quitting roodeo because of him..
he doesn't know that.
he thinks i'm just "tired of it"
but honestly its because he makes it not fun for me.
i've told him before and all he does is yell so i'm avoiding a fight.

i will never be tired of rodeo..
i love it, its my passion.
its my therapy..

DREAM
i have a dream.
a big dream.
not something you dream up,
it took time,
my dream is no ordinary dream,
but still a dream.
its not dark,
its not gloomy or scary,
my dream will make a difference.
my dream will help.
its a good dream.
i like this dream,
i want thhis dream,
my dream will come true!

Jenna Marie

A Day In My Life

2008-10-20T19:48:00.000-07:00

wow its been a really long time.
alot has happened.

over the past couple of years i've never blamed God or got mad at him when things went bad or wrong...so why does it seem like he keeps punishing me?

its almost like it's not fair, which i know life isn't fair.

its like i can't be happy or i never am and i've taught myself to put on a fake smile and i've gotten really really good at fooling everyone around me.

i hate it when people back-stab you..isn't that just annoying-i mean common really?

i'm not the one to be fored to do something i don't, but i hate it when (you know it's wrong and you can't help it) but you try to please the world...or make them happy,
ok you know me better than that, its not illegal or would get me into trouble just little minor things that you don't have to do.

ok enough babling heres the real scoop...
ever want to just cry?
ever want to just sit down and cry but you feel dumb?
ever just have those days that a rain clowd is over your head?
ever have have it when the ONLY person you want to talk or cry to doesn't ask?
I DO!
and it seems like my only therapy is my horses but
they are know where near me so thats no help at all!!

oh and whats really really annoying is when people think they are hlping but really they are not and they are just being annoying by telling you things or whatever but you know yourself good enough to know what helps you and calms you?

looooonnnnngggg dayyy as you can see. sorry its all run together..i'll sort things out on here later!

-Jenn Marie

wonder

2008-05-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

sorry haven't wrote in awhile...

alot has een going on.
kinda stressed lately. wanna get this week over with.

soo ready for summer and to get away from school and everything that goes along with it.

Tuesday was a wierd but hard day.
i had to leave school. don't think i've cried that hard and long since my mom passed away.

yet Tuesday made me think about alot of things. and it opened my heart i guess.
Ali really realllly helped me and helped me to realize some things that i did not want to admit.
well i finally did but i only admittedit to her and to this other person that it was about. it kinda scarred me though.

we sang this in church and i fell in love with it...its sooo true!!!::
..."The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbid to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood
His mercy rains
Unending love,
Amazing grace"

thanks.Ü

FREE

2008-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

i don't know what to do.
my dad does not support me in my dreams ever!
if they're not what he wants for me then he doesn't believe in me at all.
it sucks.
my mom always pushed me to chase my dreams and goals and supported me in hatever.
she didn't try to choose my dreams or friends or anything...
as long as i was happy thats all she wanted.

i just want to ride horses. thats all i've ever wanted to do. heck if i could everyday and every night i would. i just want to barrel race and get that rush.
but he makes every time so miserable because all he does is complain of how they are a pain in th neck or if i don't do good he's just like "well why did we even come" or the classic-"these animals are a pain in the neck, i hate them"
ughhhh he makes me so mad.
does he not realize this is what i want and this is what makes me happy.

HORSES
from the Heart of a Cowgirl
I believe there is a force that lives on this world
Something primitive and wild when you need an extra push to survive
nothing you can tame, or control
something so beautiful, but dangerous all at once,
Like wild flowers that bloom after a wild fire turns the forest black
Most people are afraid of it and keep it deep inside themselves
But there will always be the few who aren’t scared to love what is free and untaimed inside of them.
to let the beauty and danger all out at once,
yet, everyone has a different foce within them...what is mine?
Horses.
I see in horses and expression of my own restless spirit,
Charged with an appetite for adventure they will take to the land with out hesitation
When I see them running wild and free
I often think of the first horses and how they were the true pioneers of America.
most people say the west wan won from the cowboy or the saddle of a horse,
but i say...it was won from the heart of horse.
There was once a time when
Americans went west to discover their destiny,
yet, Today it seems like they still are not settled or haven't found their "destiny" that their ancestors went looking for.
But I think they’re still looking for the same thing-a place where they can be optimistic and be who they want and not care what others think about them
a place where they can wrecklessly love...like they're so desperately longing to,
Where they can feel that this life makes sense
A place that they can feel, what I feel when I ride Clyde
Cause when we’re riding all I feel…is free
he has this sense of surrender in him but not just him...all horses.
they have spirit and a healing nature if people could just sit back a truely look and take it all in they can see what i see in horses.
not just beauty, but a whirl wind of things:
surrenity, spirit, beauty, danger, destiny, freedom..
i mean didn't our ancestors come to America to find and get freedom?
every American is allowed their freedom,
i just find mine in the presence of a horse.
yet, some people people are still trying to find that freedom or that place where everything just makes sense to them...
a place where they can feel what i feel when i'm riding my horses and take to the land without hesitation...a place where they can just simply feel...FREE
by: Jenna Howell
April 15. 2008

Enemy

2008-04-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

if you ever tried to make me miserable,
well congrats you did.
your right i put on that fake "happy-go-lucky" smile,
old friends are against me, but it shows that they never really were my "friend".
you think you know me but you don't, so stop trying to guess.
i wish for once in your life speak how you feel and act on hose feelings instead of hiding them.
i wish you truely knew what i thought!

today was an okay day Ü
i have a geometry test tomorrow...hope it goes well...pray please!
saw Michael tonight, made my week. actually made a Monday wonderful!

for once in my life no where i belong. i actually feel good aout myself and don't second guess things or worry. i'm at peace...and i think..he has alot to do with that!

One of my "sisters" is going throught a hard time. her and her boyfriend broke up and she's taking it bad. they were suppose to get married...they might work things out but who knows..i thought they were soul mates...but, is there even such thing as that? are fairy tales true?
i guess its one of those things you'll learn in life!

bachelors on...what do ya'll think?-i no theres been better but if your like me you can't help but watch!

Gods been so good lately..i mean isn't he just awesome ...aren't you just in awe of his presence?!!
BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

phrase of the day:
"will you accept this rose"

xoxo.
Jenn
lifes good, GODS GREAT!

hopeless

2008-04-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

thoughts:::
wow. where to start.
well these past couple of days have been wierd? i guess.
ever have that feeling wherer you just want to break down and cry?
you ever just have questions for people?
like...
do you consider other peoples feelings?
do you even care what God wants?

school:
why do you think you define me?
YOU DON'T
i no who defines me!!!..you don't own me.
you can't tell me i'm less then what i should be...
i do not have to listen to you..i'm blocking you out.

my KING defines me.
my KING tells me what to do
my KING tells me who i am
i listen to...
MY KING!!!!!

i no this is a comfusing blog but..it's just things that are being let out.

i mean we ARE the redeemed right?
we are his children?

does he mean to hurt us?
does he mean to but obstacles in our lives?

we still go to him through the good AND the bad right?...

what is my spiritual gift?...leadership? faith? hope? witnessing? teaching?...

he doesn't define me by what i've done but by who i am and where i put him in my life and faith and heart.
he always catches me...but when do i get to catch him?

i want to pray with a specific person....yet....scarred to ask...

I AM YOURS LORD...so please...START USING ME!!!!!
help...

"i am..who i am. and that IS enough"!

xoxo
Jenn

2008-03-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

well today was blistful yet..made me think about some stuf. kinda comfusing but, nothing exciting...school was the normal. i' just starting my blog today so if anyone has any imput pleaseeee let me know Ü

well, i guess i should start this thing by telliong a little about myself. i'm a sophomore at NHS and recently made Varsity Cheerleader...i'm sooooo excited, my mom would be proud!! i love my horses and i rodeo:barrel race, pole bend, goat tie, ect. they get me through everything.(they are like my therapy!)i'm obsessed with one tree hill, and reeces peanut butter cups! mmmmm Ü oh and every monday night i watch the bachelor. just some random facts!

for those that don't know, i lost my mom about a year and a half ago to pancreatic cancer in the lungs. i guess you could say i'm pretty stronge about it. don't really show my feelings to much because i don't wantpeople to think i want them to "feel sorry for me" or whatever. sucks when someone that you thought you could go to with that subject especially says something along those lines...when really you just kinda needed them to talk to.

lifes good,
trying to just be me...but sometimes..not sure if its enough.
but it has to be.
"destiny will find itself in the end". i try not to give up hope.

well guess thats all for today,
post soon.
sempre,
Jenna Marie

"my chains are gone, i've been set free, my God my Savior has ransomed me, and like a floud, his mercy reins, un-ending love, amazing grace!"